Thursday, December 9, 2010

A new outlook

For those of you following my blog you know I have been down a lot lately. So I decided to go and find help for myself because if mommy is always sad what good is that for Emmy? It's not. So our special instructor through Early Steps sent me this website for mom's with kids who have near drowned. I looked at a lot of things posted on there and cried a lot but was happy to see a lot of support too. I clicked on a spot that said "Meet the Children" I reluctently clicked on it. First I just scrolled and looked at all the kids names and their sites staring at me as I was debating to click on them or not. Why? You ask well because my husband said I don't want you to look at one child and see that they haven't come that far and give up on Emmy. I will NEVER give up on my baby!! So I bravely clicked on all the little girls first. It was little girls from all over the world and all walks of life. It moved me how far most of the little girls have come. Some not as far as others but still all improved from day one. Which just reinforced my faith and hope for Emerson! And then after viewing all the girls I decided to view the little boys too and same goes not all 100% but all improved from day one and they came from all walks of life.

I also connected closely with a few and decided to fb them and have begun already talking with them and discussing things that we are going through. I am already begining to get into a different midset about my baby. The only thing I wish I had that these women have is community support and continued family and friend support. I am NOT saying I don't have it I guess I am selfishly saying I wish I had more, but that's human I guess we always want more. But I have what I have and am going to work with what I have. I am jumping into this new life and journey with Emerson just in time to begin 2011 as well. I can't be happier about me begining to find myself again in this new life of mine.

However I just feel like I can not completly jump into this because of everything else in my life falling apart. I am not looking for sympthay I am simply doing this blog for me, it helps me to get things written out. Not only do my son, husband, and I have a brand new life to begin living and learning but we also have other struggles thrown at us and it's begining to be too much to handle and frustrating because it is taking my main focus off of Emerson. All I can focus on is what we don't have right now. Among tons of other things falling apart one of the main things is that my husband got laid off from his job just a month after we returned home from the hospital. However one thing I know for sure Joseph & Emerson won't go without, thank God, because we do have some amazing family and friends! I just wish we could give to them too this Christmas!

Emerson is improving a little everyday-infact today she has smiled more then ever before- and as for us as a family we couldn't be better! We are taking this journey on head first and full force! God bless to all!

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