Tuesday, February 1, 2011

My heart aches

Boy is my heart aching tonight. My 5 year old found an "old" picture of his sissy and came in our room busting out crying. He yelled "I want her to be better already! What's taking so long?" He listed all the things he missed about her as tears rolled from both of our faces. I couldn't help but to agree and feel very sadden. I wish so badly that I could take his hurt away! I feel so guilty tonight. Guilty that my daughter drowned, guilty that my family but most importantly my son feels pain from this, and guilty that there's not much I can do for my daughter. Except what I am doing researching alternative therapies and trying my damnest to get the funds to send her to the treatments.

I just can't even explain how long and sad our conversation was with our son. He had so many questions I didn't know the answer to. But mom is supposed to know everything and I don't and it frustrates me. Today just like everyday I wish and pray this never happened. I can't help but to think about emerson's future either. What WILL she be able to do, when, why not now? Why couldn't she be the lucky one like Bronson Stalker? Sigh. I could go on and on.

I try my hardest to stay strong and positive not only for my sanity but to keep my son and husbands sanity and faith but sometimes I just break. And tonight was my breaking point.

To all reading sorry this blog is so all over the place but it's what's on my mind.

Another fear my husband and I if we die tomorrow what would happen to my children? We have nothing to leave them. How would Emerson be taken care of my parents aren't getting any younger and I don't want any strain on Joseph as the big brother to be burdenby having to are for his sister. Does anyone else think about that? Sigh. Well enough for tonight I am going to try and get to bed we have a neurologist Appt. tomorrow with Dr. Tilton. And I'll be sure to post any news tomorrow! I'd also like to thank everyone for their donations to the blogction I can't express enough how thankful and blessed we are. Also to everyone who has made bids so far. It hasn't even been one full day and we've had tons of bids. Thank you to all. Many blessings to you and yours! Sleep tight. Hug your kids and be thankful always!

1 comment:

  1. You do not have to worry about what will happen to your children when you are gone. No matter tomorrow or when you are 200...there are people around you that love you and will never let anything bad happen to those two babies! We love you!